Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have
by Eriks leadinglady
Summary: But it can destroy her too... JxS
1. Chapter 1

_**Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have…**_

**_Summary:_** But it can destroy you, too. JxS

**_Disclaimer:_** Labyrinth is not mine. But the plot bunnies are!

**_A/N_**: This story was inspired by true events. Yes, one of my friends actually did this. Not in the Labyrinth and all that, but in real life, she did make all this sick stuff and dying stuff up. Sad, huh? Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think!

**_Warning:_** Sarah's actions are a bit OOC at the moment, but that will be explained...

**Chapter 1: I feel a bit roughed up...**

Sarah sat impatiently in the doctor's office, kicking her legs carelessly against the front of the metal table she sat on. She had been here for what seemed like forever, only it wasn't really that long at all. She probably had only been in there for about ten minutes. However, she had been at the doctors for two hours getting different tests done.

Rolling her eyes impatiently, Sarah wished that she wasn't here at all, but her father, Richard, had made her come. For the last year or so, Sarah had had intermittent pass outs. No one knew why, though. Usually, it only happened when Karen was around, but Sarah's father didn't pay that any mind. His daughter was ill and he needed to know the reason. She was only twenty, for God's sake! What in the world could be wrong with her?

Thus, Sarah waited and waited and waited for the doctor to come back. Unlike her father, she wasn't worried whatsoever about what the doctor might tell her. She knew she was perfectly healthy, although maybe a little light-headed at times, but usually those just grew into a headache, and she forgot all about them.

Sarah turned her head to the right as she heard the door open. Watching the doctor silently, she waited for him to get his things in order and to address her. The doctor was about fifty years old, a heart-shaped baldhead, large, broad rimmed glasses, and a tiny, thoughtful mouth. He was pretty short, too. Typical old man, Sarah figured.

Then he turned to her, and the mouth that had been frowned with concentration now smiled at her.

"Well, Sarah," he said happily, "it seems as though you are perfectly healthy. I thought perhaps it could be cancer of the esophagus causing you to pass out, but there were no traces. You're just another healthy, young, twenty-year-old."

Sarah smiled gratefully back. "Thank you so much, Doctor Zhigo," she said, jumping off the table. "I greatly appreciate your time."

The doctor continued to smile. "It's just what I do, Sarah."

She reached her hand forward and they shared a brief, yet firm, handshake. Then Sarah once more said a thank you, and then she was gone from the office.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

When she got home, Sarah found both her father and stepmother sitting on the couch. Her father was sitting on the edge of the couch, elbows on knees, and head in chin. His left foot was tapping constantly, showing his nervousness. Her stepmother, on the other hand, was perfectly relaxed in the couch, leaning back peacefully, reading the paper.

As the door closed shut, Karen looked up first, noted Sarah, and looked back down. "Well, you're finally home; took you long enough," she said absentmindedly. "You know, because of your silly little tests, I have been forced to sit on this couch for the entire evening thus far. Do you have any idea what you have cost me? I wanted to get things done, such as, clean the house, maybe do some laundry, cook dinner, etc. But, because you worried us so much, we couldn't do a thing. Now what do you – "

Sarah couldn't take any more of Karen's bantering and raised her own voice above that of her stepmother's. "Maybe if you'd stop talking for one second, you'd have time to hear that I'm going to die in three months!"

Karen was silent, and her father's eyebrows rose in worry. Then, of course, Karen said, "Oh, don't be silly. There is nothing wrong with you. You know it, I know it, and the doctor knows it. Don't be such a dramatic little tart."

"Sarah?" her dad asked, his eyes questioning, at last being able to get in a word.

Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, tears forming in her eyes. All those years of acting would finally come in handy. "It turns out that… that I have cancer." She paused, trying to clear her throat enough in order to talk. The tears and sadness were just _so_ overwhelming. "It's, I believe, cancer of the esophagus. It caused my intake of air to decrease, thus causing me to… you know, pass out." She paused for dramatic effect. "There's no cure for it, and… and the doctor says I'll be lucky if I live three months."

Immediately, Karen asked, "Cancer of the esophagus, you say? Don't you know the medical term for it? Surely the doctor would have told you."

Sarah's mouth pouted and her cheeks were shiny from the tears. Her stepmother just wanted to ruin everything, didn't she? Well, Sarah could outsmart that old witch. "He wanted to put it in something that I could understand. If he had used the medical term, as you called it, then I wouldn't have had any clue what he was talking about. Call him yourself, and he'll tell you all about it."

Karen still looked at her stepdaughter unbelievingly. "All right, maybe I will."

While the battle of the wits went on, Richard just watched Sarah. Truth be told, he believed Sarah over Karen. But, if he voiced that, then Karen would have a fit. Ever since they married, he just agreed with Karen, and if he didn't, he didn't say anything. He was like a puppy on a leash; he hated arguments. Although at the moment he believed Sarah, he would never talk to her about it. He hoped that the look on his face – eyes large, brows raised, mouth frowning – would say enough for itself.

Then expectedly, after no one said anything, Sarah turned and stomped up the stairs, sobs echoing throughout the room. She could never do anything right!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Richard turned and looked at Karen, who, upon looking back, just rolled her eyes and stood on her feet.

"Oh, please, Richard," she cried exasperatedly, "You don't actually believe that rubbish? She is obviously lying just to get to me! I bet right now, she's up in her room cracking up, getting a real kick out of this!"

"Now, Karen, let's not be hasty…" he started slowly. He was treading on dangerous water.

"What? _What?_ Well, let me tell you, Richard Lee Williams, I am going to call that doctor and prove that girl's lies!"

"All right, Karen," Richard sighed. "That sounds like a good plan to me."

Karen stared pointedly at him. "Well, that's because it is."

Then she turned and stalked off to phone Dr. Zhigo.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0oo0o0o0o

Sarah lay belly down on her bed, face sobbing into pillow. Why didn't anyone ever believe her? Was she so phony that nothing ever seemed true? Well, right now she was lying, but even at past times – specifically the Labyrinth experience – everyone took her for an imaginative girl, but nothing more. So it was typical that even now, with her life on the line, no one would believe her.

She turned her head and looked at the Escher poster on her wall. Although it was five years past the incident, she still liked the poster and other trinkets that were modeled after the creatures from the Labyrinth; they all helped to remind her of the lessons that she had learned that day – or rather thirteen hours. Or perhaps the nine hours because of that dirty little trick of the King's. But that experience had helped her in more ways than one: teaching her that life isn't fair, the way forward is sometimes the way back, to not take things for granted, and other such things. Plus, she truly treasured the friends that she had made, although she had not called on them in some years.

New tears now formed in her eyes at the loss of her friends. They were the truest, most loyal people she had ever known. And now, when no one believed her, she knew that they would. Although she would hate scaring them like that, making them believe that she was dying, but still... at least someone would believe her. After all, what's a little white lie?

Unexpectedly, a knock pounded at her door. Sarah wiped angrily at her eyes, but stayed on her bed. The knocked came once again.

"What?" she yelled, irritated. Couldn't they just leave her alone?

The door opened and Karen stepped inside. Sarah immediately looked away and failed to notice the tears in Karen's eyes.

"Well, I just called the doctor…"

"And?" Sarah interrupted, just wanting to get this over with.

"Could you just let me finish?" Karen cried. "He told me all about the cancer! And, well, I guess I'm… I guess I'm sorry! I'm so sorry that I didn't believe you!"

Sarah's eyes widened in shock. No way! Did Karen actually believe her? But the doctor… he told Sarah that she was fine… who was the liar? Karen or the doctor?

"What?" was all Sarah could say.

Karen sat down on the bed next to Sarah, causing the girl to flinch and move away slightly. "I called him and asked about the cancer. He explained it to me. I asked him how long patients live, and he said three months." A pause. "You were telling the truth! And in such a horrible situation, I didn't believe you!"

Sarah forced a sad smile. "Yeah, well, you're not the one dying. Now, if you wouldn't mind, I would like some time alone."

Karen smiled too, tears in her eyes. "Okay, sweetie." Sarah cringed at the term. She wasn't sure if she hated mean Karen or nice Karen more. "If you need anything, just let me know."

Then Karen was out of the room, and Sarah let out a heavy breath. This was just too good, she thought with a small smile on her face.

As she sat up, she felt a slight breeze float into the room. Creases on the bridge of her nose, she turned and looked at the window. It was closed. Her confusion rose and she walked over to the window, looking about and searching for anything.

While she was by the window, a voice said, "Looking for something?"

Sarah spun around on her heel, long hair flowing wildly. Her eyes were wide and white as she looked upon the Goblin King. Her first thought was, Since when did he get so hot? Then she cleared her mind of such nonsense and wondered why he was here. She didn't call on him, she didn't wish anyone away, so… Oh no, did she get wished away? Before her panic could increase anymore, the King said, "I'm not here on business."

Sarah's mouth formed an 'oh' as her eyes wandered anywhere but on him – those pants were so tight.

"Are you sick?" he asked out of the blue.

Sarah immediately looked at him, keeping her eyes on his face… yes, his face… her eyes questioning his.

He cleared his throat. "I hear you are dying."

Sarah was taken aback. Was he actually worried about her? "And this concerns you because…"

He looked at her sharply, and she took back her words. "It doesn't. But being the generous king that I am, I thought I would help."

Sarah rolled her eyes, unable to keep the fire down. "What, going to put me in a crystal bath, chant some magic words, and cleanse me of my problems?"

Jareth regarded her amusedly. What silly things she thought of him… "No. But that could work. I was thinking more along the lines of a healer."

"Thank you, but no. We have "healers" up here."

"But mine are much more productive, I can assure you. Just tell me what you have…"

"Cancer," she said quickly, hoping that he wouldn't take this too far. After all, she didn't technically have anything wrong with her.

Jareth cocked his head. "Like the human horoscope? It's a disease?"

"Not that kind of cancer. It's a sickness that currently has no cure." Seeing the look on his face she quickly added, "But if caught early enough, they can cure it."

"And yours…?"

"Wasn't."

Jareth nodded slowly. "And you don't want my help? You would rather die?"

She sighed. "Look, it's not like I don't appreciate your trying to help me, but I just don't think that you can do any more for me than my doctor can."

"Well that's foolish – "

"But it's my choice," Sarah said, finality in her voice. Of course, she should have known that the Goblin King always got the last word.

"You are to come with me and see my healers. If they cannot help you, then I shall return you here immediately. If they can, then you stay until treatment is complete."

Sarah didn't know what to say. Perhaps she should go to the Underground just one more time. She could see her friends again and get a little vacation from her family... Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.

"If I went, my family would wonder where I was."

Jareth brushed aside the concern. "Underground time is different. You would be gone but a few hours, a day at the most."

"They'll still want to check up on me…"

"Sarah," he said harshly. "Remember I move the stars for no one."

Sarah smirked. "I thought you were generous…"

"I am generous. You are just hard to please."

"Do I starve and near exhaust you?" she asked with a smile.

"You have no idea," he said under his breath before he made a crystal and transported them to the Castle Beyond Goblin City once again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have…**

**_Summary:_** _But it can destroy her, too. JxS_

**_Disclaimer:_** _Labyrinth not mine. Jareth not mine. Sarah not mine. Other things not related to the original Laby story MINE! Crazy idea to lie about fatal illness my friends sick, sick mind. Is she seeing a professional yet?_

Chapter 2: How about not… 

Once inside the castle, Sarah wasn't so sure that she wanted to be back here after all. It had seemed like a nice, spontaneous, will of the whim move, but now that she stood here in the throne room, she did not like what she saw. Goblins were running to and fro, chickens were squawking, there was yelling, and there were even some fist fights – although those were not really brawls, per se, they were more like kicking and slapping; pathetic little monsters they were.

Sarah glanced over at Jareth, who was giving her a mocking grin.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Oh, shove off." Then she stomped her way through the crowded mess and into the adjoining hall.

To her mild – but joyous – surprise, Jareth was not following her. However, her elation was short lived, for he appeared in front of her, out of the blue, and spat, "_Shove off_? What kind of nonsensical phrase is that?"

It took a moment for the mortal to respond, for she was still occupied with the fright of him just popping up in front of her, without so much as a sound. When at last she did shake off the shock, Sarah responded, "It's an English slang term."

"You're not English."

"No," replied Sarah harshly. Dealing with him was like dealing with her five year old brother. "But I did study in England for my last high school year."

"How exciting," he said dully. "Now, if we could just attend to the business at hand, I would like to escort you to my medic…"  
"Ah, yea, about that…" said Sarah, after which she bit her lip and darted her eyes.

Jareth placed his hands on his hips like a scolding parent. "Sarah, that is the only reason I brought you here, and you will go see him."

Sarah continued averting her eyes. "But I'm really tired…"

"Lying, are we?" scolded Jareth, raising his brows.

"No!" declared Sarah.

"Tsk, tsk, love. I can tell when you're lying."

"Cannot!"

Jareth sighed. "Oh, Sarah, still making those childish indignations of yours."

Sarah harrumphed. "No! I just don't like being accused of lying, that's all."

"Hmm… do you want to say something like," he cleared his throat, and – placing his hands on his cheeks – feigned despair and cried in a girly voice, "Oh! It's not fair?" After, he broke out into a fit of laughter.

Sarah blushed a deep hue of red. "I accepted that life was not fair long ago."

Jareth composed himself and replied, "Oh yes, since the poor little mortal girl got a fatal illness and will never see her world again. So sad, and unfair, really."

Sarah was silent as she walked past him in the hall and continued on her way to nowhere. But before long, her mouth got the better of her and she spun around, crying, "You need to stop your cynicism and your satire and just accept the fact that I beat you! I beat you fair and square, even though you cheated and took off three hours of my time! Does it feel unfair in any way that a mortal beat an immortal? Well, I think it's nigh time you accept the fact that I beat you at your precious little Labyrinth, move on with your life, and stop taking it out on me!"

Jareth's eyes shot daggers at her. "You believe that my attitude has everything to do with you, do you? Let me tell you, little girl, that I was like this before I had even heard of you. This is me, this is my kingdom, this is my palace, my life, and my right to act as I please! I was generous with you, and I still am. You take me for granted. You take your friends and family for granted. You take your life for granted. Let me just tell you," continued Jareth as he hauntingly advanced toward her, "that perhaps you deserved to get this fatal illness, this reality check that everything does not last forever. Forever is really not long at all, but mortality is even shorter."

At the end of his speech, he was right in front of Sarah, mere inches away. The look on his face challenged her, daring her to say anything snippy back. Which of course, she did.

"You think you're so high and powerful, don't you? You think that you can just rule over anything and anyone, and everyone will love and adore you for it! Well, not me. Never me. I didn't ask you to take me here; I didn't beg you to cure me. You offered your help and now here I am. You want to take it back? Go right ahead. I don't give a damn."

Jareth leaned back and smirked. "That's quite a thing to say for someone in your position. So young and already on the brink of death. Don't you want to continue living your life?"

"I believe I will," Sarah said, raising her chin high and looking down her nose at him.

"Oh, really?" Jareth cried, smiling brightly. "Such a faithful little thing, aren't we? Do you think that this illness will just up and go away, without you doing a thing?" Then he answered for her. "Of course you do."

Sarah, however, just grinned from ear to ear. "Yep."

Jareth eyed her smile suspiciously. She was far too happy for being on her deathbed. She was just smiling and smiling, like she was hiding some secret that she knew he would never guess.

"Is there something I don't know?"

Instantly, that smile faded. "Oh, no. Nothing at all."

"Liar," stated Jareth.

Sarah shrugged and looked up. "You'll just have to find out later – much later."

Jareth still eyed her skeptically. "You are either incredibly dimwitted or very clever."

Sarah sarcastically thought for a moment, placing her hand on her chin and thinking very, very hard. "Definitely the latter."

Jareth sighed. "You are so wrongfully arrogant."

"Or," pepped Sarah, "extremely, rightfully confident."

Getting tired of all this nonsense that was getting them nowhere, Jareth grabbed her by the arm and pulled her forward. "I'm right, you're wrong. That's life."

Sarah pouted and dug her heels into the floor in order to try and stop herself but it was no use. "Where are we going?" she asked meekly.

"You are going to see the doctor."

Sarah rolled her eyes. This was going to be fun.

**_A/N:_** _Ohhhhhh-Yeeeaaahhhhh… Look at me go! Go, Nicole, go! I got an update, I got an update. Woot! Woot! Haha, okay, why am I repeating everything? I have no idea._

_But I thank you all so much for reviewing! They are quite inspiring for my plot bunnies. _

_Hope you enjoyed this chapter of JxS chatter (which is the best) and are prepared for some interesting doctoral accounts next chapter. Cough. Maybe. Cough. Maybe not. Cough. Maybe just some running. Cough. Cat and mouse. Cough. You know. Cough._

_So leave a nice little review after the tone and I'll get back to ya'll later! BEEP!_

_Non-M.D,_

E.Ll 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have…**_

_**Summary:**_ But it can destroy her, too. JxS

_**Disclaimer:**_ Labyrinth is not mine. But the plot bunnies are!

Chapter 3: Yay! The doctor… 

_Pain can be inflicted in many forms. It can come physically, mentally, emotionally, ecumenically… But in whatever form it comes, it hurts all the same. Every person has suffered at least once in his or her life – probably a thousand times that. Along with this pain also comes a way to heal. Healing can take many forms just the same as pain: physical, mental, emotional, and doctoral. The last being perhaps the most useful. Doctors cure people, they help them feel better; they give relief to symptoms of many kinds. However, some people fear doctors, with the fact that they will get tested with weird products and get even sicker, or some other strange notions. This, however, is not Sarah._

_Sarah is another case entirely. She is deathly afraid of going to see the doctor. Well, not usually. This is part of what makes Sarah so unique. She only fears the doctor after she's been lying. Now why would she lie and then fear the doctor? Well, as to why she did, that's a story for another time. However, as we know, Sarah lied about a little fatal sickness that she has. Or rather doesn't have. Lies can cause a whole bunch of trouble. As in right now. Jareth – being the kind, generous soul that he is – has decided to help Sarah by taking her to the doctor. What he doesn't realize is that it will most likely destroy every fiber in her being. She will never be able to show her face anywhere, ever again. This is her pain._

_Sarah knows that she has lied. Sarah knows that she has wronged. Sarah knows she is about to be pummeled to death in a few moments by a very angry Goblin King. However, Sarah loves the fact that he is so completely involved in her life, in the fact that he cares for her, wants to make her healthy again; that he is taking the time out of his life to see to her well-being; that is her healing. The attention from the sought after Goblin King is being doted upon her – and very fully. This, to Sarah, is pleasing. However, it is going to kill her, too. What a conundrum. _

_So as Sarah is being dragged to the Labyrinthine medic, her mind is in a mixed flurry of spirals, twisting and turning inside her head. Thus, she isn't thinking clearly. Thus, she doesn't realize that she is about to be revealed as a fraud, a fake, a liar, a con, and many other bad little names that shall not be mentioned here._

_Just as they reach the door, realization slams Sarah in the head and she stops dead in her tracks. Jareth stops for only a moment, throws her a dirty glare, and then proceeds to drag her into the room. However, Sarah begins to scream, and, fearing the loss of his hearing, Jareth stops moving._

"_Sarah! Shut up!" he yells, covering his ears, snarling at the mortal girl._

_Silence._

_Jareth sighs in relief for his health. She actually listened, he thought happily to himself. However, he made the mistake of trying to bring her inside of the room once again. Thus, more screaming._

_This time, Jareth isn't nearly as subtly nice. He grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her wildly. "Why do you not want to see the doctor?"_

_Sarah only stares at him, wide-eyed._

"_If you don't go, I'll throw you into an Oubliette. Is that what you want?"_

_Hiccup._

_Jareth's eyes narrow. What in the seven hells was that noise? _

_Hiccup._

_Jareth rears away in suspicion._

_Hiccup._

_Worry._

_Hiccup._

_Fear._

_Hiccup._

_FULL BLOWN PANIC!!!!! _

"_DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I NEED SOME HELP!! COME QUICKLY! NOW!!!!!"_

_The door automatically opens, and the doctor comes running out. "What is it, my lord?"_

"_This, this, thing, is squeaking at me!"_

_Hiccup._

"_Hmm… That is odd…"_

_Then Sarah's eyes roll into the back of her head, and she passes out, dead to the conscious world. Her head hits the stone floor, and even a pitcher black consumes her already dark world. Now the doctor is able to look at her, test her, prod her with unearthly tools! It is the end… it is the end… she is discovered! Jareth hates her, the Labyrinth hates her, her friends hate her, everyone… everyone…._

"Sarah!"

"WHAT!"

Jareth paused for just a moment before he said, "Are you even listening to me?"

Sarah shook her head. "No. Just imagining what is going to happen to me when I see the doctor." Then, more quietly, added, "And the end of my life…" But then she smiled brightly at him. "However, what I imagined can't possibly happen because you," she put a finger on his chest, "are not so funny."

Then she turned to leave, but stopped a few feet in front of him. "Besides, you know what a hiccup is, right?"

Jareth, unfazed, easily quoted, "A sudden contraction of the diaphragm that causes the glottis to close, producing an abrupt sound."(**1**)

Sarah stared at him for a short time, mouth agape, before closing her mouth and nodding. "Right." Then she continued walking down the hallway, not caring about Jareth, who was yelling something about a doctor.

**1)** The dictionary definition of a hiccup.

_**A/N:**_ _Ahem… That was rather interesting. But it was the only way to get me out of my writer's block so jump up and rejoice! Yay!_

_So yea… But I hope you were entertained nonetheless. It was a fun chapter to write. Sorry about the long wait, but sometimes, one can't take life by the horns, for if one does, one will get horned in the rear. Not pretty. Not pretty at all._

_Please leave me a little inspiration, maybe a funny quote, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!_

_Beep!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Something to think about**

What to do, what to do, what to do. Nothing really seemed to be working out for Sarah's plan. All she wanted was a little attention, affection, and maybe a little charity. 

Sarah stopped in her tracks, shook her head, and then continued walking. Perhaps she had actually gotten more than she had bargained for. The attention of the Goblin King was turning out to be more than she could handle. Mistakenly thinking that he was forever out of her life, she had made up a horrible lie in order to get her parents to really _look_ at her again and didn't even think about her former rival. Now, her parents may never see her again, for once she was found out, she would be thrown into an oubliette and forgotten forever. That was not what she wanted.

Sarah sighed as she plopped against the wall and closed her eyes. What was she thinking? She should have never done this in the first place and now her lies were catching up with her. Somehow, she had to figure out a way to get out of this. After all, wasn't she the unbeatable mortal Sarah Williams? Hell yeah! And was she going to let some arrogant King stand in her way? Hell no! Was she going to beat this Goblin King again and rub it in his face? Snapping open her eyes, Sarah jumped up into the air, thrusting her fist up and screaming, "Hell yeah!"

She immediately lowered herself when she noticed a goblin guard staring at her. Sarah offered a weak grin, but the goblin only shook his head and moved on. After he was out of sight, Sarah shook her head and ran a hand over her face. Man, that was embarrassing. At least it wasn't Jareth…

"Hello, Sarah."

Sarah nearly jumped out of her skin. "Um, uh, hi."

Jareth grinned at her knowingly. "Excited, aren't we?"

"How can you tell?" she wondered meekly.

"Why, the little pee stain on your pants."

Sarah reared her head down and stared at her crotch. "What? Where? I didn't do anything!" Then realization grabbed her by the hair, and she slowly raised her head and glared deathly at Jareth.

He smirked devilishly. "Made ya look."

"I'm gonna kill you! You numbskulling, arrogant, lying, brickish, brute!"

"I think you just made up two new words. Too bad they're far too childish to get you anywhere. Webster would never accept them. Perhaps you want to try again?"

Sarah, for her response, only glared at him.

Jareth was unfazed, and he only shrugged. "I'll take that as an, 'I'm too stupid to actually think of a word that Webster would want.' Really, Sarah, I expected more from you."

"I think you expect too little," mumbled Sarah under her breath.

"What was that?"

Sarah smiled. "Oh, nothing, nothing."

Then she moved onwards, skipping gaily like a little child down the corridor with Jareth trailing behind her, wondering what it was he saw in her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The next morning was far too ordinary. Bad feelings always came from ordinary days with the Goblin King. He was being nice, like a normal host should be in a normal house in a normal mortal body in a normal earthly world. Sadly, the Labyrinth was none of the above. Which could only mean one thing: Jareth was up to something. This Sarah could not stand for. 

Rising from her seat at the breakfast table, Sarah marched straight over to the other end, stared at Jareth, placed her hands on her hips, and declared, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The fork that was carrying pancakes to Jareth's mouth halted. With his hand in mid-air and his face toward the fork, his eyes shifted to look at Sarah. After looking at her for quite some time and seeing the serious look on her face, he slowly looked back at his fork. Leisurely eating the scrumptious bite, he took his time in answering Sarah's _very_ specific question.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Sarah was taken aghast. "You are not being mean!"

Jareth looked at her eye brows raised. "Hmm?"

"No, you're not!"

"Excuse me?"

"Stop being nice!"

Boggled, Jareth tried again. "You are an insolent female Rancor."

However, Sarah only tilted her head to the side like an enthralled puppy. "Huh?"

Jareth sighed. Her impertinence and stupidity were exhausting. "I'm so confused."

Sarah bent over his head and patted it. "That'll do Donkey. That'll do."

Then she sauntered away.

Now, Jareth definitely knew that Sarah was seriously ill and that she had to go see that doctor as soon as possible. And that, he now knew, could only be accomplished by trickery and cunning and handsomely good looks. Luckily, he held all three at the tip of his fingers.

**A/N:** _Well, I thought this chapter was funny. : ) If you didn't, ah well. I was laughing my butt off and I guess we don't share the same sense of humor. Okay then. I know it was a long wait, but I just have not felt like writing. Suddenly, I got the urge to, and well, obviously you know the rest. So I hope you likey-ed and leave a review! Merci Beaucoup!_

_E. Ll_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have…**_

**Chapter 5**

Sarah thought herself to be a genius. Not only had she avoided the doctor, but she had also shifted Jareth's focus from her sickness to her peculiar behavior. Thus, her ingenius plan was working wonders for her – she got her family and Jareth convinced, got her parents to care, and got a mini-vacation in the Labyrinth. Life could not get any better. Of course, who knew how long she would have to keep this up or if Jareth would keep her forever since she never went to the doctor… but these were just what-if's in an otherwise perfect situation; it was an April Fool's joke that just lasted a little longer than a day.

Skipping joyously through a corridor, Sarah rounded the corner and nearly ran over a goblin.

"Oh, pardon me," she exclaimed perkily.

Just as she was about to continue past, the goblin said sheepishly, "Are you Sarah Williams?"

Immediately, said human stopped in her tracks and stared at the goblin with a lopsided grin on her face.

"Sure am!"

The goblin swallowed. "The Goblin King has ordered me to take you to the doctor."

Sarah's smile slid off her face like an avalanche. "Me no speak English. Se habla Espanol!"

In truth, Sarah had no idea what she was saying, but they always said that on the commercials.

"Right this way," ordered the goblin.

However, Sarah did not move, but just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. Rolling his eyes, the goblin strode over to Sarah, grabbed her by the hand, and proceeded to drag her away.

"Help! Help! Neglect! Abuse!" she cried out, hoping to alert someone to her situation. Sadly, no one cared.

Sarah sighed and frowned. Her body went limp as she allowed the goblin to pull her away to the doctor.

On the way over, however, she got bored. Because she had gone limp and wasn't helping the goblin carry her weight whatsoever, it was taking a long time for the goblin to move her anywhere. She gave a noise of her boredom and frustration, declaring, "Hey, you want to play a game of I-Spy or something?"

At this, the goblin dropped her completely, and she fell with an 'oomph!' to the floor.

Rubbing her head, she said, "Hey! Now what was that for? If you don't like I-Spy, we could always play something else!"

The goblin glared at her fiercely, a look she did not expect from someone of his stature. "Maybe, just maybe, if you would pull your own weight, this would not take so long! You are wasting my time and energy!"

Sarah, after getting over her shock at being reprimanded by a goblin, glared back at him. "Maybe you should just leave me alone then."

"I have my orders."

"And do you always do as you're told?"

"Jareth rules with a hard tongue and an iron fist. Crossing him would not be wise," the goblin said matter-of-factly.

Sarah sighed. "How in the world are you so smart?"

"Just because I am ugly," the goblin replied indignantly, "does not mean I am stupid!"

Then he harrumphed away, grumbling something about, "Stupid mortal girl... I'd rather stick my own head into the Bog of Eternal Stench than deal with her."

Even though she was just openly insulted, Sarah only shrugged. However, she knew that there were only a few tricks up her sleeve for getting out of going to the doctor. One day, she would actually have to go.

"But today is not that day," she mumbled under her breath as she continued on her way to the gardens; she really needed some fresh air now.

In the gardens, however, was none other than Jareth.

Upon hearing her approach – she had tried to sneak away as stealthily as possible, but she was only human – Jareth turned from his spot and flashed her a toothy grin.

"Ah, I see my servant delivered my message to you?"

Sarah was silent.

"And I take it you did not go?"

She really didn't see why he was asking her questions he already knew the answers to.

"Obviously," she replied snarkily.

He placed his hand upon his chin and rested it there nonchalantly. "Hmm… am I to take it that you will never see the doctor?"

Sarah frowned and stared at him wide-eyed. Hell, she didn't know what to say. Any answer she gave would surely be her undoing.

"Well…" she began. "I will… um… go eventually, bur just can't at this precise moment."

"Oh?"

A pause. "Yeah. Yeah, um, you see, I, uh, currently have…. Drugs… in my system."

Jareth tried to hold in his laughter which resulted in him giving her a very peculiar look. "Drugs, you say?"

She nodded.

"And of what nature are these drugs?"

"The very addictive, test-disrupting kind," she said, her voice high-pitched.

"Ah, yes, I see." Jareth began stalking her as he would prey. "And how long do these drugs stay in your system for?"

"Six months," she meeped.

Jareth's eyes glowed with amusement. "So am I to presume that you are going to just loll around here for the next six months and then go see the doctor?"

"Yes?"

Jareth clapped his hands twice and immediately they were inside the castle. "Well then, we shall need to get preparations in order. Your room will need to be permanently set up, a job will have to be required for you – to pay the rent of course – and you will have to meet and memorize all the workers names."

Sarah gawked. "What?"

Giving her a look like she was stupid, he said, " Didn't you know? Once you live in the Underground for six months, you become a Fae and have to live here forever."

Shocked, Sarah could only manage to mouth the word 'Forever?' before she toppled over.

Jareth loomed over her crumpled form and wasn't sure whether to laugh or to call a doctor. Was this part of her illness or one of her shenanigans that she was so famous for? He didn't know which way to play it.

However, an evil grin came onto his face. She was refusing to see the doctor. She was now currently passed out on the ground. She could now be forced, unknowing, to go see the doctor. Yes. Yes, it was a perfect, diabolical plan.

_A/N: Muahahahahaha!!!! What ever will Sarah do? Will she be found out? Will Jareth hate her forever? Will she escape and become a wild, savage woman?_

_Grinning evilly,_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have…**_

**Chapter 6**

Sarah awoke ten minutes later, scared, confused, and alone. For some reason, she felt violated. Lying on a cold, metal table could do that to a girl.

There was a yellow light above her, and she could hear voices whispering in the corner, one of them distinctively Jareth.

_Oh no._ She sat straight up.

Was she found out?

Did they know?

Did Jareth hate her?

Was she the laughing stock of the entire Underground?

She swiveled her head quickly to look at the two men plotting her destruction in the corner. With a yelp, she bolted off the table and tackled Jareth to the floor. All he was aware of was her screaming something along the lines of, "Won't have you…. Destroy my name… Don't you laugh… Love me!.... No… Hate me!... You shall not… You lose, bucko!!!!"

Jareth grumbled and choked. "Sarah… Sarah… Sarah…"

He shoved her off and her back hit the wall with a thud.

"What in the seven hells are you going on about?"

Sarah stared at him wide-eyed. Did he not know?

"Um… well… I was disoriented?" she tried.

Jareth ran a hand through his messed hair. "At least you are alive, I suppose."

Still with eyes wide, Sarah nodded her head.

Jareth turned to the doctor, who watched the whole debacle with a wary eye, and said, "Do you think you'll be able to run any tests on her now, Reimy?"

Jolting her feet, Sarah shouted, "No!"

Both men shot a glance her way, and she seem to shrivel under their glares. "I mean, uh, I feel fine!"

Reimy cleared his throat. "If she is unwilling, then I cannot run anything on her."

"What?"

"Ha!"

Both Jareth and Sarah said at the same time.

Reimy continued. "Without her consent, it would be immoral of me to run anything on her."

While Sarah was smiling gleefully to herself, Jareth took two steps and stood imposingly over the doctor. "I _command_ you to run tests on her, Doctor."

The doctor swallowed hard. "I-I… As much as I would like to, King Jareth, I am afraid that I simply cannot."

Letting out a howl of frustration, Jareth clapped his hands once, and immediately two goblin guards appear. Turning to them, he said, "Take this man and stick him in the Bog of Eternal Stench."

At hearing this, Reimy began to yell and beg, but Jareth would have none of it. Grabbing Sarah by the elbow, he dragged her out of the room, and within a second, they appeared in Sarah's room. Sarah didn't really know how to react; Jareth was obviously angry and although she did not want to be found out, she figured it might be easier to come clean about everything…

"Sarah," said Jareth, drawing her out of her thoughts of impending doom.

"Yes?"

"It is time for your inspection."

"Inspection?" she repeated, her voice high.

"Yes. Since none of my doctors will see you, I will just have to see to you myself."

"But… But…" stammered Sarah. "You're not qualified!"

"Au contraire, my dear," he said as he approached her. "My magic is more than qualified to search out any impediments to your being."

Slowly, Sarah backed away from him. "I don't want you violating me!"

She saw that he was not stopping. With a wild look in her eyes, she said, "Wait, no, you don't have to do this! I… I'm not sick! You don't have to do anything. I made the whole thing up. I'm fine! No sickness, no death… Stay away!"

However, even though this was the truth, Jareth was buying none of it. Still, he advanced upon her until he had her backed into a corner. "Not sick, you say? Well then, that would mean that you were lying. And you know what I do with liars?"

Sarah shook her head.

"Well, it is a very terrible thing…" He looked down. "No, no, I can't say; it is far too horrible."

"No, tell me!" Sarah pleaded.

"Oh no, I simply cannot."

Suddenly, Sarah burst out into a fit of tears. "Oh, I'm a liar! I am a bad, bad person! Do what you have to do to me… I lied! I lied! I lied! I lied! I lied! I lied! I lied!"

Jareth punched her in the face.

Well, not really.

But he wanted to.

"Oh come now, Sarah. You couldn't have lied! What about your human doctor? and your father and stepmother? Surely…"

"LIES!" she screamed a little louder than intended. "All… lies…Oh, just kill me now!"

Jareth shook his head. "Sarah, Sarah, Sarah… This little phobia of yours really is ridiculous. Tell me, why are you so afraid of the doctor?"

Sarah sniveled. Why didn't he believe her? "Well…" Should she just roll with it? "Well… I was… sexually… violated."

Silence.

"No. Wait. One time, they gave me anesthesia, and I… died… for seven minutes."

She paused while she thought it over.

"Yeah, that's what happened. Now, I don't trust any doctor, because, because they killed me!"

Silence.

She pouted. "Don't you believe me?"

Silence.

"Well?"

Silence.

She stomped her foot.

Silence.

"Answer me, you lousy, no good kiniget!"

Silence.

"Jareth?

Silence.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Anybody?

Silence.

"Helllooooo?"

"Heeeeellllooooooo?"

"HEEEEELLLLOOOOOOOO?"

"WHAT!?" he yelled at last.

"You zoned out there for like, ten minutes."

He rolled his eyes. "I zone out stupidity."

"…. And that was just the first time you've zoned me out?" She scoffed. "Sheesh, that took you long enough."

"Are you implying that you are stupid?" asked Jareth.

Sarah gave him a weird look. "Duh."

"But…" he slowly began. "But… you beat me, remember?"

Realization dawned in Sarah's eyes. "Ohhhh yeahhhh…. That must mean that you are even stupider than me!"

After Sarah had said that, she immediately wanted to take it back. "I mean… uh… no. No. That's not what I meant. I just must be smarter than I thought: a genius perhaps."

Jareth gave her the eye. She was getting on his nerves lately, more so than usual.

"I'm smart. You're dumb. Get over it," said Jareth.

"LIES!!!!!"

A pause. "You sure seem to be preoccupied with lies lately," considered Jareth.

"Maybe."

"Might I ask why?"

"No."

"You're insufferable."

Sarah stuck out her tongue at him.

And then Jareth punched her in the face.

For real this time.

_A/N: =)_

_- _


End file.
